Spa Etiquette: The Questions Nobody Wants to Ask Out Loud

Spa etiquette guides tend to be written by spas, which means they are lists of things the spa would like you to do. This is the other version: the questions people actually have, answered by what actually happens, with no interest in whether you arrive fifteen minutes early.

Do I keep my underwear on?

Whatever you prefer. Most people keep underwear on, plenty do not, and no therapist has an opinion. You are draped throughout either way and only the area being worked on is uncovered.

The one practical consideration: if you want proper glute and hip work - which is where a lot of low back pain actually lives - underwear gets in the way slightly. A good therapist can work through the sheet or tuck it, so this is a preference, not a requirement.

Bras come off for back work. There is no way around it and everyone understands.

Do I have to shave?

No. Nobody has ever cared. Not once, anywhere, about anything.

The only real exception is a body treatment involving exfoliation or a wax, where freshly shaved skin can be more sensitive. For a massage or a facial it is completely irrelevant.

Am I supposed to talk?

No, and most therapists prefer quiet because it means you are relaxing. They generally follow your lead: short answers and the room goes quiet.

If the conversation has started and you would rather it stopped, "I think I am going to just switch off for a bit" works instantly and offends nobody. It is a completely normal thing to say and therapists hear it daily.

What if I fall asleep? What if I snore?

Extremely common and totally fine. Therapists take it as a compliment. Snoring included. Drooling included. The face cradle makes drooling statistically likely and there is a towel there for exactly that reason.

What if my stomach makes noises?

That is your digestive system coming back online as your nervous system shifts out of alert mode, which is roughly the whole point of the appointment. Therapists read it as a sign it is working.

What if I need the toilet?

Say so. Go. Come back. This happens constantly and the alternative is spending forty minutes thinking about it instead of relaxing.

What if the pressure is wrong?

This is the important one, and the one people get wrong most.

Say something immediately, in plain words. "That is too much." "Could you go firmer?" "Can you stay right there?" Every one of those is normal, useful and welcome.

The therapist cannot see your face, cannot feel what you feel, and asked once at the start precisely because they need the information. Politely saying "that's fine" when it is not costs you the entire session, and leaves the therapist thinking they did good work. The idea that a massage has to hurt to be effective is a myth, and bracing against pressure tightens exactly the muscles being worked on.

Should I shower first?

If you have come from the gym, yes, and most spas have showers. Otherwise normal daily hygiene is entirely sufficient. Skip heavy fragrance - it lingers in a small room for the therapist's next several clients, and some spas ask you not to wear any.

Where does my phone go?

On silent, in the locker, and left there. This is the one piece of conventional etiquette worth taking seriously, mostly for the other people in a quiet relaxation lounge who paid for quiet.

Can I ask for a specific gender of therapist?

Yes, always, and you do not need a reason. Say it at booking so the schedule works. Reception handles this request many times a week.

What do I do about a couples massage?

Two therapists, two tables, one room. You can talk to each other or not. There is a mild awkwardness in the first ten minutes and then everybody relaxes.

Be aware that couples rooms are usually the least private space in a spa and the therapists are working around two people rather than one, so it is not usually the appointment to book if you have a specific problem you want an hour of focused work on. Book that separately.

Do I tip, and how?

In the US, usually yes, generally 18 to 20 percent, with several situations where the number to take that from is not the number on the receipt. Our tipping guide covers the confusing cases and the calculator does the arithmetic. Cash or on the card both work; ask which the therapist prefers if you want to be generous about it.

Is it rude to not rebook?

No. You will be asked at the desk because that is the job. "Let me think about it" is a complete answer and nobody minds.

What if something feels wrong?

Then it is wrong, and you do not need to justify that to yourself or anybody else. You can ask the therapist to stop, to leave the room, or to end the session. You can get dressed and walk out. You do not owe an explanation and you do not owe payment for a session that was stopped because a professional boundary was crossed.

If a boundary was crossed, the state licensing board is the body that can act on it - our license board lookup has the right agency for every state. This is rare. Knowing the option exists is what makes the ordinary case easy to relax into.